“It is raining Master” said a student.
“Brilliant deduction” said Master Li. “Now perhaps you can tell me what the
raindrops are saying to us.”
“Master, does the wind move or does the flag move?”
asked a student. Master Li responded, “Shut up and do something useful!”
“What is gained in meditation?” asked
a new student. “The idea is not to gain, but to lose.” responded Master Li.
A student asked, “Why do so many zen
writings seem like nonsense?” Master Li answered, “Because they are.”
A student once told Master Li, “I have reached a
subtle awareness of the truth.” Master Li shrugged his shoulders and
said, “Big deal.”
A student asked Master Li, “How do I get rid of all
my problems?” Master Li said, “I shall tell you when I stop the sun from
rising.”
Master Li once told some students, “How can you comprehend the infinite Dao when you have a finite mind?”
“Master, when do we become complete?” asked a student. Master Li replied, “Complete what? Idiots? “
“Master, when you give us koans, why do you not give
us answers?” a student asked. Master Li said, “What makes you think
there are answers?”
“Master, what is our aim?” a student asked. Master
Li replied “To sit like a river, and walk like a mountain.”
“Master, must there be quiet to meditate properly?”
Master Li said, “Is a waterfall quiet? Yet, is it not at peace as it
falls?”
“I have often wanted to visit the northern
provinces” said Master Li. A student said, “Why haven’t you?” Master Li
said “I have no need to.”
A student told Master Li, “The new students are not
cleaning the kitchen properly Master.” Master Li said, “I thought the rice has
been especially delicious lately!”
“Master, they say all things return to one, but where does
one return to?” asked a student. Master Li replied, "Sender."
A student asked Master Li; “Master, is meditation valuable?
“Yes, it is” said Master Li. “How valuable” asked the student. “It is so
valuable it is worthless” replied Master Li.
A student once asked master Li, “Where is Buddha?” Master
Li farted loudly and said “Ah, there he is now!”
A student said “Master, if we see Buddha on the road,
should we kill him?” Master Li said; “I am afraid it is a little too late for
that. You should have gotten him before he got on the road.”
Master Li and several students were sitting around a fire
on a cool evening. Master Li picked up some ashes and said to the students,
“Someday this will be you.”
A new student told Master Li, “I have so many questions to
ask you”. Master Li responded “And I have so few answers to give you.”
A student asked “I have heard that it is pointless to ask
questions about Tao. Is this true?” Master Li said, “Why are you asking me?”
The student said what does enlightenment mean?” Master Li
replied, “Nothing to the bird singing in the tree.”
Master Yu was visiting the temple and quiet proudly told
Master Li “No students have ever broken a rule at my temple.” Master Li
responded, “They must either be bad students or bad rules.”
“Master, do we become wiser with age?” asked a student.
Master Li replied, “The evening is always wiser than the morning but some never
live to see the stars.”
A student inquired of Master Li, “Master, every time we
make a mistake, do we disrespect the Tao?” Master Li smiled and said, “The moon
is not shamed by the barking of dogs.”
“Master, when we leave this temple, what will happen?”
Master Li said, “The wolf is always out there waiting, and the wolf is always
hungry.”
“Master, what is the key to understanding the Way?” asked a
student. Master Li told him “Look in your cup of tea.”
“What is fear Master?” asked a student. Master Li answered,
“Fear is when after dark, all cats become tigers.”
A student asked Master Li the best way to enlightenment.
Master Li said “Do you see that mountain over there? Pick it up, sweep
underneath it and then put it down.”
“Why is the Way so difficult” asked a student. Master Li
responded, “Quite the contrary, the Way is easy, the followers are difficult.”
A student once asked, “What is the ultimate reality?”
Master Li kicked the student in the shins and said “Pain.”
“Master, how should I deal with anger?” asked a student.
“Throw” said Master Li. “Ah, throw it away?” said the student. “No, throw
something!” said Master Li
“Is breath the most important thing, Master?” said a
student. Master Li replied, “Only if you cling to living.”
A student asked, “Master, is it a sign of weakness to cry?”
Master Li responded, “It is a sign of weakness to think so.”
“Master Chou! There is a deranged man at the gates!” said a
priest. Master Chou said, “Ah yes, I am expecting Master Li. Show him in.”
“How do I avoid envy, Master?” asked a student. Master Li
said, “Don’t give a damn.”
There was to be a festival at a local temple. “Are you
going to the festival Master Li? It should be enjoyable.” Master Li said, “No,
enjoyment is for sissies.”
“The silver cup is tarnished” said a student. Master Li
said, “The Dao is everywhere, even in the dirt beneath your feet.”
“What is greatness, Master?” asked a student. “Doing
something great and not caring if anyone notices” replied Master Li.
“Today is a historic day” a priest said. Master Li replied,
“All days are historic fool! Some are just more memorable than others.” said
Master Li.
A student asked Master Li, “Is ignorance bliss?” Master Li
said, “I wouldn’t know.”
Master Li was asked, “How do you avoid jealousy?” Master Li
said, “Are the oceans jealous of the mountains?”
Master Li once said, “The greatest act of kindness is often
a kick in the ass.”
“What will be your legacy Master?” a student asked. Master
Li said, “He lived, he died, they threw him and his possessions in the river.”
A student asked “If I am eating, what should I do?”
Master Li said, “Eat”. “And if I am drowning Master?” Master Li yelled
“Drown!”
“Master, is it more important to be liked or
respected?” inquired a student. “It is more important to clean the
toilet” said Master Li.
Master Li asked a student, “How was lunch?” The student said “Very
good.” The master told a priest “Get rid of the cook. He is useless.”
“Master, what is the
key to understanding the Way?” asked a student. Master Li told him “C Sharp.”
“Master, how should
I deal with anger?” asked a student. “Brush your teeth” said Master Li.
“I had such a feeling of enlightenment!” gushed a student.
Master Li said, “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. There was a pebble in my sandal.”
“What is the nature of this tree” asked a student. Master
Li said, “Its nature is to fall and crush what stands beneath it.”
A priest complained, “We have many poor students here!” Master
Li said, “Under the sun, all are equal.”
“What is the greatest struggle we face” asked a student.
Master Li responded, “Our greatest victory is defeating ourselves.”
“All the robes have been washed” a student declared. Master
LI asked, “Did you wash your mind also?”
A student inquired, “How does one properly study Zen?”
Master Li said, “One doesn’t.”
Master Li once proclaimed, “Nirvana is not the be all end
all.”
“Master, what is compassion?” Master Li responded, “Ask someone who has some!”
“Is it necessary to understand the Dao?” asked a student.
“A man on thin ice can ill afford to dance.” said Master Li.
------------------------
A student inquired, “How do I know if I am making proper
effort?” Master Li said, “You don’t, but I do!”
“What is failure Master?” asked a student. Master Li
answered, “It is drinking bitter tea. Not tasty, but sometimes necessary.”
A student asked, “Master, is it wrong to want to be happy?”
Master Li replied, “It is wrong to not be happy? What is wrong anyway?”
“What is the key to meditation?” asked a student. Master Li
replied, “To sit like an iceberg with your mind on fire!”
“Those new students are lazy!” said a senior student.
Master Li said, “Yes, they are! They are almost as bad as the students who
judge others.”
Master Li once said, “There is no greater love than to be
kissed by the sun in the morning and kissed by the moon in the evening.”
“Does a dog have Buddha-nature?” asked a student. “Did you
ask a dog?” said Master Li. The student said, “Yes, he did not answer.” Master
Li said, “Smart dog!”
Master Li once commented, “We must learn to let go of all
things; anger, envy, joy, and eventually life.”
Master Li once said, “A man cannot avoid destiny any more
that a man can avoid his shadow.”
Master Li said, “Nothing but the wind can pass the sun
without casting a shadow.”
A new student clumsily dropped a vase of water on the
temple floor. “I crossed the ocean for this!” said Master Li as he shook his
head.
“I am seeking peace” said a new student. “I was in town
seeking a piece last night, I hope you have better luck than I did” said a
laughing Master Li.
“Master, is it essential to know all the answers?” said a
student. Master Li said, “It is more important to know the questions.”
“Master, what is the true inner conscience?” Master Li
shrugged and said, “What is the price of rice in Guangzhou?
After a large snowfall at the temple, Master Li said
happily, “Look at all these snowflakes and they have all fallen in their
perfect place!”
Master Li once asked some students, “If a tree falls on
Master Li, will he make a sound?”
“Beware the smiling face. Every bridge has a troll that
lives underneath it” Master Li once warned.
“Does following the path of the Dao mean hard work?” asked
a new student. Master Li said, “One does not vanquish the dragon from the comfort of his
living room.”
“Master, I have worked very hard studying the Dao” said a
student. Master Li responded, “Well then, you have missed the point entirely
haven’t you?”
“Master, the flowers in the meadow are yellow” said a
priest. Master Li said, “What color are the winds on the mountain?”
“Master, a few of us students are going into town to see
the zoo” said one student. “Why, isn’t this one good enough for you?” responded
Master Li.
Master Li was once asked about his family. He said “They
are either dead or in prison. I must admit I envy them sometimes.”
A priest complained, “We have many lazy students here!” Master Li said,
“Is that so? I haven’t bothered to check lately.”
“Do you wish you were still young” asked a student. Master Li answered,
“Children who wish are cute. Adults who wish are fools.”
Master Li was told there some wild bears roaming the temple grounds. “Wild?
Get them in the meditation hall immediately.”
A student asked, “What is the correct path?” Master Li
said, “Do the birds in the sky have a path or do they just go where they need
to?”
“Master, how important is meditation?” Master Li responded, “It is
important, but having a butt of concrete isn’t necessary either.”
‘Why are we not following the schedule for today?” asked a student.
Master Li answered, “Today, the wind blows from the east, not the west.”
“Why are there so many paths to the Dao” asked a student.
“Water rises and falls but always finds its own level.” said Master Li.
A senior student said, “I feel my study here is complete.” Master Li
said, “If you eat green bananas, you get a terrible tummyache.”
One student was telling another about how much he knew
about the Dao. Master Li overheard him and walked over and said, “The grass
here needs cutting.”
